The Creedish Satellite Menace
Recently discovered intelligence photos have revealed the existence of a satellite program by the Creedish. One may wonder how the "technology challenged" Creedish are able to gain access to this type of system. It was revealed that during the days of the "Cold War", the Soviet Union infiltrated Creedish communities in hopes of recruiting spies. Once the Kremlin realized that the Creedish had an agenda of their own, and what it entailed, they pulled out pronto. Some report that they were so astonished and actually frightened, that they felt the Creedish would later present a threat to the Soviet Union. Therefore, a series of meetings was set up between ranking officials of the Kremlin, KGB, and the Creedish.
A deal was struck, in exchange for much needed quilts, cheese, butter, and Creedish breads, baked goods and clothing, the Soviet Union gave the Creedish control over the first "Sputnik" series satellites. Although they were considered antiquated by the Soviets, they met the Creedish needs and satisfied the Soviets in that they were only giving the Creedish the low-end technology. Unknown to the Soviets, the Creedish were looking to the future and did not enable the system to full capability, save for some experimentation in the U.S.
Now the system is fully online and is being used with full knowledge of the UN. The satellites are equipped with Creedish mind control units, and particle beam (star wars type) weapons. The recent "Turkey Earthquake" was a result of the Creedish full dress rehearsal for Y2K post aftermath. The recent episodes of extreme behavior in the U.S. , i.e. shootings, increase in hate crimes, and apathy among the nation's young are all a result of years of exposure to these "mind control beams". The recent drought in the eastern US also a result of Creedish weapons of unknown technology, but believed to be "weather control technology" from the former Soviet Union. As proof of these allegations, photos showing a high ranking Creedish amongst the Soviets after the launching of a Sputnik, and the Sputnik itself are available here for review.
It has been discovered that these weapons have been used sporadically around the U.S. with concentration in the Lancaster, and now Western Pa regions. When we first heard about this possibility, we met with our officers to find just how far this extended to our own population and if we were at risk ourselves. After a week of intelligence gathering, we discovered that we were indeed under attack from the Creedish weapons. We ourselves had symptoms of exposure as did everyone we interviewed. Some symptoms include, but are not limited to... an increased desire for cheese, butter, and baked goods. Desire to get up at 4:00AM and chop wood, plow and acre or two and then... breakfast. Using words like "Thee and Thou", attraction to plain clothes and aversion to buttons and electricity. Appalled, we asked our officers to come up with a plan of defense.
True to form, within a few days, we had in effect negated all Creedish influence with a few simple alterations in clothing and diet. We will now list all recommended defense-mechanisms, which should be enabled immediately.
Further investigation will follow and any additions will be posted. Begin defense initiatives immediately. Our own neighbors ignored my pleas, even though I showed them all the evidence, as usual. The children in the neighborhood also poke fun at us about wearing the "Aluminum foil hats". So be prepared. It seems that they have been affected to the point that they no longer have reasoning ability.